Truth or Dare Chronicles: Fullmetal Alchemist
by Hunter Arcanus
Summary: The Fullmetal Alchemist segment of my soon to be Truth or Dare series. 100 OneShots of the most random scenes featuring your favorite FMA characters! Most pairings: EdxWinry, RoyxRiza
1. Intro

Okay, so I'm gonna try putting this under "Anime > Fullmetal Alchemist" but might take it off for being Screenplay format. If this story is removed, look for it again under "Misc > Screenplays".

Prologue: I started up this FMA Truth or Dare with my friend when we were messing around. We would give each other random topics and relate them into a Truth or Dare game with the FMA characters. As you'll see, each chapter is a one-shot featuring the scenes of our topics. I'm gonna try to make it to somewhere around 100 chapters. Enjoy the randomness and please review. If you wanna have a scene made from one of your own topics, review with a topic that includes 4 or 5 random objects or ideas. The more reviews I get, the more motivated I am, so please review!

* * *

TOPIC: Introduction

* * *

Ed: Welcome to the Fullmetal Alchemist Truth or Dare party! I'm Ed Elric and I'll be your host! 

Winry: (throws wrench at him) Who said you could be the host?

Roy: Yeah, maybe you should let a _real_ Alchemist host, shrimp. (pushes him outta the way)

Ed: (bites Roy's arm) WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY ONE CELLED ORGANISM SO SMALL YOU NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE? I DONT NEED A F-CKING STEP LADDER TO REACH THE COUNTER! I DONT NEED MY OWN SET OF STAIRS TO GET ON MY OWN F-CKING BED! KISS MY F-CKING ASS, ROY! YOU STILL SLEEP WITH A TEDDY BEAR!

Roy: What? Like Hell I do!

Ed: (shows pics of Roy sleeping with a teddy bear)

Roy: Where did you get those?

Ed: From Hawkeye.

Roy: (turns to Hawkeye) How could you? I thought you loved me! (cries and runs away like a sissy)

Hawkeye: ...What do I see in him...?

Ed: (ahem) Anyway, let's get this show on the road!

Al: (sigh) This is gonna be very messed up...


	2. Coffee

TOPIC: 300 Cups of Coffee

* * *

Winry: Alright, Ed, Truth or Dare? 

Ed: Dare me.

Winry: Since I know you're crazy on caffeine, I dare you to drink 300 cups of coffee.

Ed: Gladly, I love coffee!

Everyone: (backs away from Ed a good few feet back)

Ed: (gets 5 cups of coffee, drinks them) Wow, this is easy, I'm not hyper at all. Nope nope nope, need more coffee. (gets 10 more cups and drinks them) Yeah, not hyper at all! Need more! more more more! (gets 25 cups, starts shaking a little) What was that? I thought I heard something! I'm not paranoid from the coffee! Need more! Coffee coffee coffee! (gets 50 more cups and drinks them, starts twitching madly) Javajavajavajavajavajavajavajava... (gets 100 more cups and drinks them) OMIGOD THE SKY IS FALLING! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! (drinks 20 more) I'M ON FIRE! HELP ME AUSTIN POWERS! (runs around, hits a tree) WHO PUT THIS TREE HERE? I WANT IT OUTTA THE WAY! (claps hands, puts them on the ground, a whole forest sprouts, gets 40 more cups and drinks them) HAHAHAHAHAHA! (claps hands, makes a tree into a clock tower, claps again, transmutes a car into a wagon, claps hands and transmutes a goth's clothes into a cowboy uniform. Transumutes the water in a water tower into coffee, gets 50 cups from it and drinks them.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (literally bounces off the walls, drinks 30 more, eye twitches madly, whole body jitters) ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIfeelcomplete,notbecauseI'msocoolbutbecausethiscoffeef-ckinrocks,knowwhatI'msayinman?It'slikeapartyinmymouthandeveryone'ssnortincrack! (drinks 20 more, suddenly becomes calm, doesnt move for a minute)

Winry: Um.. Ed? (pokes him)

Ed: (when poked, he jumps 5000 feet into the air and hits a plane. His head gets stuck in the floor of the plane with a stewardess right above him. He looks up her skirt) HEY BABE, WHAT'S COOKIN? (she kicks him through the floor and he falls back down to the Truth or Dare circle, making a large Ed-shaped hole) hahahahahahahaha... sweet... (he gets up, goes to the coffee maker, pours himself another glass, his hands are so jittery, he cant even hold his cup straight. he goes to drink it)

Winry: (holds him back while Al tries to pry the cup of coffee out of his hands) Okay! That's enough coffee Ed! 300's enough!

Ed: NEED... MORE... COFFEE (shaking madly, looks like he's having a seizure)


	3. Washing Machine

TOPIC: A washing machine, two cats, and a loaf of three-day-old French bread

* * *

Winry: (to Mustang) Truth or dare?

Roy: I'm not scared like Ed, Dare!

Winry: I dare you to wash all of our clothes!

Mustang: ...Er...o...kay?

(Ed claps and makes a washing machine appear in front of them, Roy gathers all their clothes)

Ed: Watch this...

(He opens it, two pairs of yellow eyes could be seen. They jump out to reveal two cats. They jump on him and start mauling his face. He screams and runs around, trying to get them off)

Winry and Al: Ed! That was mean!

Ed: Yeah but it sure was funny as hell! (He throws something at Roy) Use this to fight them off!

(Roy grabs it)

Roy: ...A loaf of Bread? THAT"S THE BEST YOU COULD DO?

Ed: That thing is 3 days old! It's hard!

(He starts trying to smack the cats off him, but they jump away and he hits himself. He tries this 5 more times. The cats jump off, Roy is covered in marks.)

Roy: Banacation Turkanoids of Sloyvin! (Falls over)

Winry: ...You were planning that all along, weren't you?

Ed: Shows him for calling me short... (grins)


	4. Alligator Fight

TOPIC: A 10 gallon hat, a blonde wig, an Alligator, a mention of Michael Jackson, and a guitar.

* * *

Armstrong: Ed, Truth or dare?

Ed: Dare

Armstrong: I dare you to wrestle an alligator!

Ed: Oh, that's easy, I used to do that all the time. (calls someone, doorbell rings, there's a cage with an alligator in it. everyone goes outside and forms a circle around Ed and the cage.) Okay, I'm ready, open the cage!

(Armstrong opens the cage, then the alligator comes out)

Ed: Okay, you sonn'a bitch, bring it! (he tackles the alligator. The alligator squirms around wildly, and Ed's trying to hold its jaws open with his hands. He cant and lets go and the alligator statts gnawing on his automail) AHH IT'S EATING MY ARM!

Winry: Ed! Fight it like you used to do in the country!

Ed: Okay! (gets free, runs a ways back from the gator, claps his hands and transmutes his clothes into tight leather pants, no shirt with a small open jacket on him, and wearing a 10 gallon hat)

Ed: By the power of Michael Jackson, I command you to die! Hee hee hee! (moonwalks over to the alligator and grabs a guitar out of nowhere, smashes it over the alligator's head)

Winry: Alright Ed, you did it!

Ed: I'm not done yet! (grabs Winry's arm and pulls her over)

Winry: Wha-?

Ed: Okay Mustang, you know what to do!

Roy: Right! (puts on a blonde wig, frilly pink dress, and makeup)

Ed: LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED! (drags Winry over to the crossdressed Mustang, then stands back with a camera and takes pictures as Mustang feels up Winry)

Hawkeye: What the hell are you doing?

Ed: A lil girl on girl action is good after an alligator fight!

Hawkeye: ...but we have other girls here too, so why is he dressed up...?

Ed: This is how we used to do it in them good ol' days when it was just me, Al, and Winry. Right Al?

Al: (holding knees to chest, rocking back and forth, whispering) never again... never again... never again...

Hawkeye: (goes over to Mustang) Hmm, you should dress like that more ofter, it's pretty sexy on you..

Roy: Well, I use your clothes all the time, actually...

Hawkeye: ... I THOUGHT THAT DRESS LOOKED FAMILIAR! (tries ripping it off him)


	5. Burning House

TOPIC: Three dozen slices of swiss cheese, a car without wheels, a house on fire, and a locker full of basketballs.

* * *

(Everyone is standing outside a burning house, glaring at Roy) 

Ed: (Crossing his arms and smirking) And what did we learn today?

Roy: (Sighs) It's a bad idea to use fire alchemy near gas leaks...

Ed: Very good...

Al: I'm hungry...

Winry: You don't even have a stomach!

Al: Sure, rub it in why don't you?

Armstrong: I could go for a tasty snack...

Ed: Okay everyone! Sandwiches on Hawkeye!

Hawkeye: Yeah!...HEY!

(She starts making them, grumbling)

Hawkeye: Okay Armstrong, you had the sandwich with noting but 36 slices of swiss cheese...you have a weird taste man...

Armstrong: (Eyes start to shimmer) It keeps my eyes shiny...

(Meanwhile..)

Ed: I bet you coudn't!

Al: I bet I could!

Ed: Prove it!

Al: Fine! (Makes a circle, transmutes something) See! A car!

Ed: Without any wheels...

Al: Like you can do any better!

Ed: Yeah! (Claps, transmutes something, a locker appears, it opens, a bunch of basketballs fall out, he sweatdrops)

Al: ...Wow brother, you weren't even close..


	6. Robot Monkey

Thanks for the reviews! Here's nekoluver's topic! 

TOPIC: A banana peel, a stuffed cat, a robot monkey, and a high school gym.

* * *

Roy: Okay Ed, Truth or Dare? 

Ed: Dare me.

Roy: Let's test your alchemy.. I dare you to transmute a working monkey robot!

Ed: Piece of cake! (claps hands, transmutes a car into a monkey-looking robot)

Al: Nice, but does it work?

Ed: Of course! (flips a switch on it, it's eyes light up and it walks around a bit)

Monkey: (in a robot voice) Hi nice to meet you hi nice to meet you hi nice to meet you.

Roy: I guess that's good..

Monkey: (eyes glow red) DEATH TO ALL HUMANS DEATH TO ALL HUMANS DEATH TO ALL HUMANS (breaks through the wall)

Everyone: (blinks and sweatdrops)

Ed: I uh.. wouldn't worry about that too much.. Not like he's gonna hurt anybody..

(a scream is heard)

Ed: Yep, not gonna hurt anybody..

Sheska: I think you should take care of that..

Ed: I don't think it's something to worry about.. (walks over to the hole in the wall, slips on a banana peel on his way over, eye twitches and transmutes his automail into a sword) OKAY, HE'S DEAD!

(the group follows Ed outside, they stare at the path of damage caused by the robot monkey)

Ed: Okay! (pulls out a map) I think if we split up and start in lower Manhattan, we're bound to find him by noon tomorrow!

Winry: ...Or we could follow that path of destruction..

Ed: (looks at Winry) This is no time to talk crazy, woman! (Roy picks Ed up and shows him the path of damage) ...Okay, we follow this path!

(the group follows the path and ends up in a high school gym)

Hawkeye: Okay, he's gotta be here somewhere...

Al: Come out evil robot monkey!

(a crash is heard as a light falls from the ceiling)

Ed: There he is! (points at the ceiling, the monkey is hanging from a light) I'll make something to shoot him down! (claps his hands, transmutes the floor into a stuffed cat)

Winry: ...A stuffed animal? HOW IS THAT GONNA HELP!

Ed: I DON'T KNOW! (Throws it at the monkey, it zaps it with laser eyes)

Roy: ...why did you give him laser eyes...?

Ed: I thought it'd be cooler..

Roy: (sighs and shakes his head) And I gotta clean up your mess again.. (snaps, a trail of fire hits the monkey, it explodes)


	7. Crossovers

Note: This one has some inside jokes between me and the co-author, so it might not be as funny.. But, the more reviews I get, the faster I write and post chapters, so please review!

TOPIC: Different animes, Yugioh cards, a glass of water, and karaoke.

* * *

Ed: Okay, it's time to expand our horizons! 

Roy: ...what do you mean?

Ed: This! (claps hands, makes a portal that InuYasha, Yugi, Kenshin, Kurama, and Naruto fall out of. it disappears.)

Kenshin: Oro?

Naruto: Where the heck am I?

Ed: Welcome to FMA Truth or Dare!

InuYasha: I remember doing something like this... (thinks, then shudders)

Yugi: So, how do we get back?

Ed: Dont worry, I'll send you back when we're done playing.

Kurama: okay...

Ed: Now, Yugi, truth or dare?

Yugi: uh.. dare?

Ed: I dare you to sing karaoke!

Yugi: okay... (gets on stage with a microphone and tv screen, there's a stool on stage next to him with a glass of water on it incase he needs a drink. He starts singing and the glass shatters. Everybody covers their ears and they start throwing things at him. He gets hit in the head with a stapler)

Yugi: Sonova- That's it! (turns into Yami) I'll duel you all and take your souls! (pulls out deck and duel disk)

Ed: Shut the hell up! (throws baseball bat at him and knocks him out cold)


	8. The FBI Agent

TOPIC: Three sheets of paper, a bathtub of nacho cheese, a toaster oven, and an FBI Agent.

* * *

Ed: Truth or Dare, Hawkeye! 

Hawkeye: Dare!

Ed: I dare you to do what you always wanted to do more than anything!

Hawkeye: (Grins) Gladly...

(Minutes later, she's naked, swimming in a bathtub of Nacho cheese. Roy gets a nosebleed and shakes his head)

Al: Why do I know all the weird people..?

Winry: (Gets out 3 sheets of paper) This should be fun to write...

Ed: ...Winry, you have problems...

(In a puff of smoke, a tall man in a suit and sunglasses appears)

Al: ...What the hell!

FBI agent: Where is Edward Elric?

Ed: That's me ...Why?

FBI: We have a sneaking suspicion that you are an Alien. No human should be that small...

(Ed snaps and pounces on him, beating him with a toaster oven)

Ed: (Smacking him) I (Smack) AM (Smack) NOT (smack) SHORT! (Smack smack smack smack smack)

Al: Brother! Calm down! (He and Winry pull him off)

Roy: I think he's dead...

Ed: (Drags him out of the room holding a shovel) You guys didn't see anything...


	9. Ed on Sugar

Yeah, I know that AngelicOrgueil, I explained that in the first chapter.Anyway, here's RealNutcase's topic! 

TOPIC: Some pillows, sugar, and Santa Claus

* * *

Roy: Okay, Scar, Truth or dare? 

Scar: Dare.

Roy: I dare you to dress up and act like Santa Claus!

Scar: ..o..kay.. (puts on a red suit with a santa hat, fake beard, and slings a big red bag over his shoulder) Ho ho ho..

(a little girl walks up to him, he reaches down and pets her)

Scar: And what would you like for Christmas, little girl?

Little girl: (stares at him, then kicks him in the leg and runs off)

Scar: Ow! (holding his leg) F-cking brat!

Winry: Now now, it's not nice for Santa to swear at children.

Scar: Yeah yeah..

Ed: (smirks and walks up to him) Hi Santa.

Scar: (mutters to himself) Jeeze.. (to Ed) Hello there little boy, what would you like for Christmas?

Ed: (Pulls out long list) I wanna baseball bat that always hits home runs, I want my own radio station, I want a pool full of Jello, I want a magic wand, I want... (goes on and on for a while)

Scar: (tuned him out by now, not really paying attention) Uh huh, mhm, okay...

Ed: (folds up list again) ...and lastly I want an army of illtempered hamsters!

Scar: Right... Well Christmas ain't for another 6 months, genius.

Ed: But I want something right now! (pouts)

Scar: (sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb, then reaches into his bag and pulls out candy) Here (hands it to Ed)

Ed: Ooh, thanks! (eats it)

Winry: Uh.. Scar?

Scar: What now?

Al: It's uh, not such a good idea to give Ed sugar..

Scar: (blinks) ...Why not?

Al: That (points to Ed)

Ed: (bouncing up and down on bed) BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY! (runs up to Al) I LIKE CANDY, DO YOU LIKE CANDY?

Al: Uh..

Ed: (runs up to Roy) I LIKE CHOCOLATE, DO YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE?

Roy: ...Sure..

Ed: (runs up to Sheska) I LIKE PUPPIES, DO YOU LIKE PUPPIES?

Sheska: Yup!

Ed: SHUT UP! NO ONE ASKED YOU! (runs over to the bed and grabs a pillow) HEY RIZA!

Hawkeye: What?

Ed: PILLOWFIGHT! (Hits her with pillow)

Hawkeye: Hey! I don't wanna f-cking pillowfight!

Ed: (still hitting her with pillow)

Hawkeye: Okay! That's it! (grabs a pillow and hits him with it)

Ed: (drops the pillow and holds his arm) WHY GOD, WHY! HOW COULD YOU, HAWKEYE! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!

Hawkeye: (sweatdrops)


	10. Mustang's Stories

TOPIC: Disturbing stories.

* * *

Ed: Okay, this one is for everyone, Truth or Dare? 

(Everyone talks amongst themselves for a minute)

Everyone: Dare!

Ed: Okay, I dare you to listen to one of Mustang's stories!

Roy: Oh good! Ahem. Well, it all started with a cracker with cheese in a hotel room in Tennessee...

-5 hours later-

Roy: ...And that's how I met my real grandfather!

Al: What the hell!

Hawkeye: Oh my god!

Winry: I think I'm gonna be sick..

Ed: That's not normal, man! That's not normal!

Roy: I'M NOT NORMAL! NOW HOW ABOUT ANOTHER?

Everyone: Dear god no!

Roy: Okay then! This one started out on a windy day when I was walking my pet flamingo home from pole vaulting...

-2 hours and 15 minutes later-

Roy: ...and that's when I realized I was wearing the wrong shoe!

Al: MAKE IT STOP!

Ed: How do I know you!

Hawkeye: I can't take much more..

Sheska: ...You're one disturbed little man...

Roy: HOW ABOUT ONE MORE!

(everyone grabs him and ties him up and throws him in the trunk of a taxi and the taxi drives off)

Ed: Finally done with him..

(Roy comes out of a nearby closet)

Roy: NOW WHERE WAS I? Oh yeah! It was late at night and the fish was sitting on the roof...

-a few minutes later-

Roy: ...and that's when my backyard was taken over by aliens!

(everyone is just staring at Roy, speechless)


	11. Roy's Leaf

The reviews are much appreciated! Here's sesshomaru-haku's topic!

TOPIC: A leaf, noodles, and an MP3 player.

* * *

Winry: Roy, truth or dare? 

Roy: Dare.

Winry: I dare you to... Hmmm, do something with a leaf and Riza!

Roy: ...Fine!

-3 hours and 43 minutes later-

(Hawkeye is in a small pool of jello, wide-eyed, panting loudly and naked while fish with wings fly around her. Roy wipes a bit of bacon off his mouth and puts his clothes on, holding a little leaf in his hand)

Hawkeye: That... was the... best...

Everyone: (Staring wide eyed)

Ed: HOLY F-CKING MOTHER OF SH-T!

Winry: That was... brilliant!

Al: You can do that?

Sheska: What the hell just happened?

Armstrong: That was amazing... but Roy, now it's your turn!

Roy: Right, Scar truth or dare?

Scar: (Leaning on a wall with an MP3 Player, bobbing his head)

Roy: Scar?

(He doesn't react, Roy snaps and melts the MP3 Player)

Scar: Hey! I was listening to my Ashely Simpson--Er I mean... um... Led Zepplin?

Roy: Whatever floats your boat man, now truth or dare?

Scar: (Sighs) Truth...

Roy: Is it true that you like to bask in noodles every day?

Scar: DAMMIT I TOLD THEM THAT WAS A LIE!...

Ed: Why do I know all the weird people?


	12. Automail Remote Control

TOPIC: Stone statues, a remote control, a map of Guatemala, and a placemat.

* * *

Armstrong: Ed, Truth or Dare? 

Ed: I feel like a dare again!

Armstrong: I dare you to retrieve the mystic Lotus Sword!

Ed: ...what's that?

Armstrong: Deep in the South American rainforest, hidden well within a secure temple, there lies a Sword so magificent it hasn't seen the light of day for 3000 years...

Ed: ...Okay...

Winry: We'll all help you, Ed.

Al: Yeah.

Roy: Here's a map of Guatemala. (hands him the map)

Ed: Okay! We attack tomorrow...

Al: ...It's a treasure hunt, not a battle strategy...

Ed: (blinks) Oh, sorry, wrong movie..

(they fly out to Guatemala and follow Ed through the rainforest)

Ed: (holding up map) Okay, according to this, we should head... That-a-way! (points east)

Winry: Uh... (takes the map out of Ed's hands and puts it back in his hands upside down)

Ed: Well now it's upside down!

Winry: ...No,_ now_ it's right-side up...

Ed: (stares at the map) Ooooh, then we need to head twice as far in this direction! (points west)

(everyone sweatdrops. it takes them a day to get there)

Al: (kicks something) Hm? What's this? (picks it up) It looks like a remote control.

(everyone gathers around Al, except Ed, who's trying to pull a banana off a tree)

Roy: What do you think it does?

Al: Dunno.

Winry: Well press something on it.

Al: Okay (presses a button on it. In the background behind everyone, Ed hits himself in the face with his automail arm. No one notices..)

Winry: Press something else.

Al: (presses another button. In the background, Ed is seen literally kicking his own ass with his automail leg)

Roy: Let me see that! (grabs it and presses a bunch of different buttons on it. In the background Ed is seen beating himself up, fighting with monkeys, falls to the ground, then strangled by his automail arm and dragged across the ground with his automail arm)

Hawkeye: I guess we'll never know what it goes to...

Winry: Oh well. Hey Ed- (turns to Ed) Ed! What in the unholy name of Hell happened to you?

Ed: (smiles, missing a few teeth, bruised all over, barely standing) Hi Uncle George, my name's Mommy! (falls to the ground)

(they all gather around Ed except Roy, who's holding the remote)

Roy: Hmm... (looks at the remote, then looks at Ed, then the remote again, then back to Ed. He presses a button and Ed's arm punches Armstrong in the face)

Armstrong: What did I ever do to you?

Ed: I didn't do it!

Roy: (smirks) This is gonna be fun... Hey Riza! C'mere!

Hawkeye: (blinks) sure (walks over to Mustang)

Roy: Check it out! (points remote at Ed, pushes a button. He does the Robot)

Hawkeye: So that's what it goes to! (snatches the remote from Roy, then presses a button. Ed's arm starts doing non stop karate chops) Hey! (runs over to the group, Mustang follows) I know what the remote goes to!

Everyone: What?

Hawkeye: Check it out! (presses a button. Ed's leg makes him walk into a tree, he falls on the ground again)

Everyone: Oooooh.

Ed: (gets up) QUIT DOING THAT!

(They continue their journey and come across a large temple covered in vines with two stone statues on either side of the large door)

Roy: Well, this wasn't that hard. No one got hurt, anyway.

Ed: (glares at Mustang) Okay, this place could be booby-trapped, so watch what you're doing. (steps on a button) Like that...

(The two Stone Statues come to life and start slashing the group with their swords. Everyone ducks for cover)

Winry: C'mon Ed! You can take em!

Ed: Damn right I can!

(winry looks in her hand, sees the remote, and starts pressing buttons on it. Ed's automail hand comes off at a hinge and he shoots a rocket at a statue out of the hollow arm)

Ed: WINRY! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU BUILD INTO THIS THING?

Winry: A surprise! (presses more buttons, Ed's leg kicks the other statue and makes it crumble)

Ed: Don't... do... that... again...

Al: Well, you defeated 'em at least..

Ed: Yeah, yeah.

(They walk inside and in the middle of the room is a pedestal with a sword on a placemat)

Sheska: Be careful Ed, that altar could be rigged.

Ed: There's absolutely nothing to worry about! (picks the sword up) see? (a hair from his head falls on the placemat, an arrow goes whizzing past Ed's head, narrowly avoiding him) Yep, nothing to worry about.

Everyone: (stares at Ed)

Roy: Maybe it's a good thing you're short..

Ed: Whatever..


	13. Trip to London

Here's another one of RealNutcase's topics! 

TOPIC: A mug, 20 pounds (currency), and the London Eye.

* * *

Winry: Let's say we take a break and take a vacation somewhere? 

Hawkeye: Sounds good.

Al: I'm in.

Roy: Okay.

Armstrong: How about London?

Ed: Yeah.

(they fly out to London, they're sitting in a hotel room)

Winry: So what does everyone want to do?

Ed: I wanna visit Big Ben!

Al: I wanna go on the London Eye!

Roy: I wanna make the London Bridge fall down again!

(Everyone stares at him)

Roy: ..what? It could happen..

Hawkeye: Well, that'll have to wait til tomorrow, it's already 11 PM.

Ed: How about we continue Truth or Dare while we're up?

Al: Okay, Sheska, truth or dare?

Sheska: Dare.

Al: I dare you to do something with this mug! (holds up a mug)

Sheska: Okay (takes the mug)

-1 hour and 36 minutes later-

(Sheska's in a matador costume, holding a sword, and a poodle's biting her leg. The wall between their room and the next is busted down, and Ed's automail arm is missing. Al's cowering in a corner, Winry's in the bathroom throwing up, and Roy is cackling. Riza's just sitting in the middle of the confusion)

Riza: ...How the hell did that happen!

Al: no more.. no more.. no more... MAKE IT STOP!

Ed: Where did you put my arm?

Roy: That was hilarious!

Winry: Ugh, that was disgusting.

Armstrong: I didn't know you could do THAT with a mug...

(someone knocks at the door)

Voice: Room service!

Ed: I'll get it. (answers it) Yeah?

Bellhop: Is uh, this your arm...? (holds up his automail)

Ed: ...Yeah! where'd you find it?

Bellhop: Apparently it fell from your window and almost hit someone..

Ed: Well, thanks for finding it for me. (goes to grab it, but the bellhop holds it above his head. Ed's jumping up trying to grab it) Hey! What gives!

Bellhop: There's a 20 pound lost and found fee..

Ed: This is an international hotel, I'm from America, DO YOU THINK I HAVE ANY POUNDS TO PAY WITH?

Bellhop: Too bad. (starts to leave with Ed's arm)

Ed: (sighs) God damnit.. (transmutes 20 dollars into 20 pounds) Here's your goddamn money!

Bellhop: Thanks (throws the arm at Ed)

Ed: Lousy service here anyway.. (slams the door)

Roy: Uh, Ed, you do know 20 pounds is worth more than 20 dollars, right?

Ed: No one has to know...


	14. Seven Minutes in Heaven

TOPIC: Three angry hamsters, Seven Minutes in Heaven with disturbing sounds, perverted thoughts, loss of sanity, guitar playing and sharkman-wrestling.

* * *

Ed: Okay, let's stop Truth or Dare for a while and take a minute to play 7 Minutes in Heaven! Let's see, who do we want in the closet...? 

Al and Winry: Roy and Hawkeye!

Ed: Alright, I like it! (grabs Roy and Hawkeye's arms and throws them into the closet and locks the door.)

Hawkeye: Mm.. ooh.. Mustang! (bang, bang, bang, bang, bang) Oooh! so good!

Everyone: ...O.o

Ed: God damnit, we don't wanna hear that! (gets a box, opens the door, throws the box in, slams the door and locks it)

Al: What was that?

Ed: You'll see..

Roy: The hell is this?

Hawkeye: Some kind of box..

Roy: What's in- OH MY GOD THEY'RE EATING MY ARM!

Hawkeye: AHHH!

Al and Winry: (looks at Ed) o.O

Ed: A few pissed off hamsters...

Al: ...hamsters...?

(flashback of when he was a kid. He was walking down a dirt road when he came across a 'dead' hamster. He picks up a stick and starts poking it. after the third poke, the hamster gets up, foams at the mouth and starts mauling him. End flashback)

Al: CAT WITH A FIDDLE WALKS AROUND WITH A SHOE! (holds knees to chest, starts rocking back and forth) NO MORE! HAHAHAHAHHAA! (sucks thumb) It's the END of the WORLD as we KNOW IT and I FEEL FINE!

Winry: What's his problem?

Ed: (walks over to Winry) Don't ask

Winry: Hey, what the-? Ed! you pervert! (smacks him)

Ed: (takes his hand away from her ass) Damn, so close..

Winry: Omigod, what's that! (points to a sharkman running towards the group)

Armstrong: Dont worry, I know how to handle this! (starts playing guitar)

Winry: How does that help anything!

Armstrong: It makes me feel better! (wrestles with the sharkman, then hits him with the guitar) Another day saved with the power of music! (eyes shimmer)

Winry and Ed: ... (sweatdrop)

(Roy and Hawkeye come out of the closet with torn clothes, ruffled hair, and bite marks all over them)

Roy: Ed... you just gotta ruin every good moment in my life, huh?

Ed: Yeah, it's what I do..


	15. Dr Pepper

TOPIC: Makeout session, bench pressing people, a dog, and Dr. Pepper being poured on a girl.

* * *

Roy: Ed, truth or dare? 

Ed: Dare

Roy: I dare you to make out with Winry

Ed and Winry: W-what?

Ed: o-okay..

(they start making out, everyone's watching)

-10 minutes later-

(they're still making out)

-20 minutes later-

(they're still making out, everyone looks bored as hell)

-5 minutes later-

(Hawkeye and Roy fall asleep, Armstrong begins bench pressing Al)

Armstrong: 1..2..3..4..5..

-10 minutes later-

(still making out)

Armstrong: ...198..199..200! Need more weight... (grabs Ed, throws him on top of Al)

Ed: Hey! I was in the middle of something!

Armstrong: Yeah, yeah.. 1..2..3..4..5..

(Winry's dog appears and starts barking, waking up Roy)

Roy: ..huh? (looks ar Armstrong bench pressing Ed and Al, while Ed keeps yelling. He sweatdrops) Oh, they're finally done? (looks at Winry's dog. It has a Dr. Pepper can in its mouth. he grabs it then looks at Hawkeye, then back at the can, then at Hawkeye again, then smirks) Hmm... (opens it up and goes over to Hawkeye and dumps it on her. Ed, Al, and Winry gather around to watch)

Hawkeye: Ooh! Cold! (still asleep, smiles in pleasure. starts rubbing the Dr. Pepper over her body) How do you like it Roy? (smirks, still asleep)

Roy: Uh... (nosebleed)

Ed: ...o.O What the hell do you two do, anyway?

Roy: Nothing! Go Away!

Ed: (whispers to Roy) Ahh, think you could give me some tips..? Sounds like you know how to please a lady..

Roy: Well, uh..

Hawkeye: (still asleep) I bet you like this, huh Roy? (rubbing the Dr Pepper on her skin) Yeah, well this is the last time you're gonna see me like this because you're such a f-cking loser.. (wakes, up, stares at everyone, blinks) Oh.. good morning (smiles)

Ed, Al, and Winry: o.o... (starts laughing)

Ed: Yeah, forget what I said about those tips.

Roy: (sweatdrops and stars sobbing)


	16. The Sins Join

TOPIC: A dozen ice cubes, a triangle, a pool of jello, and a semi truck full of ice cream.

* * *

Armstrong: Al, truth or dare? 

Al: Dare of course.

Armstrong: Okay, I dare you to-

(Bright flash of light, Envy, Gluttony and Lust and standing in the middle of the group)

Everyone: AHHHH!

Ed: Wait... shouldn't you guys be on the other side?

Lust: ...Yes, shouldn't we?

Envy: (Shrugs) Don't argue with results...

Gluttony: So hungry...

(Ed explains the situation to them)

Envy: Sure, we can play.

Lust: Seems enjoyable.

Gluttony: Will there be food?

Al: (Sweatdrops) Sure...

Gluttony: Gluttony in!

Armstrong: Fine! Gluttony! Truth or dare!

Gluttony: Dare!

Armstrong: Give the group a lesson in geometry!

Gluttony: Fine! (Puts on a suit and some glasses, draws a triangle on the board) This is a chicken wing!

Roy: ...That's a triangle.

Gluttony: CHICKEN WING! (Eats chalk, sits down next to Lust) Armor, truth or dare?

Al: Eh...dare...

Gluttony: I dare you to shove ice cubes down her shirt (points to Hawkeye).

Hawkeye: Al, so help me if you do that...

(He does so, she screams)

Roy: (thinking) _Okay, she's got ice cubes down her shirt..._ (Nosebleed)

Al: Winry, truth or dare?

Winry: Dare.

Al: I dare you to fill the pool with jello!

Winry: ...What pool?

(Ed claps his hands and put them on the ground and transmutes a pool. Everyone falls in.)

Winry: ED! YOU DON'T DO THAT WHEN I HAVE A WHITE SHIRT ON!

Ed: Eh... of course I don't... (Shifty eyes, everyone gets out)

Winry: (Carrying a big bag of gelatin, pours the whole thing in) Okay, this'll take an hour to... hey, where's Gluttony?

(Everyone looks to see Gluttony jumping out of the water like a whale. He dives back in, sucks it all up and jumps out, he belches)

Winry: O...kay. Ed, truth or dare?

Ed: Dare.

Winry: I dare you to transmute this. (Hands him a piece of paper)

Ed: Okay... (Transmutes a semi truck. he goes to the back and opens it, it's filled to the brink with ice cream. he blinks and ducks down in time for Gluttony to fly past. In a matter of seconds all the ice cream is gone)

Gluttony: Gluttony... in paradise... (Passes out)

Envy: (To Lust) What do you SEE in this guy?


	17. Pizza

TOPIC: A breakup song, a cracked mirror, three baseballs, and a pepperoni pizza.

* * *

Al: Roy, truth or dare? 

Roy: Dare!

Al: I dare you to sing a breakup song!

Roy: Fine! (He gets in the middle of everyone and starts singing "Down for the count", a nearby mirror cracks)

Al: Whoa! You suck worse than Yugi! (reference to Chap. 7)

Roy: What? I'm way better than that short little bastard!

Ed: DID YOU JUST CALL ME SHORT!

Roy: Are you kidding me? Are you as deaf as you are short?

Ed: (Angry vien on head) Roy so help me...

Roy: ...Short

Ed: GAH! (Tackles him, makes an anime style fighting cloud)

Al: (Sweatdrops) They have problems, I swear... and I'm related to him!

Armstrong: While they're fighting, who wants somethin to eat?

(The doorbell rings)

Winry: Damn! That was fast!

(Armstrong opens it, revealing a pizza guy)

Pizza Guy: One pepperoni pizza for a... "Me Gluttony, Me Want Tasty Pizza"?

(Everyone looks at Gluttony)

Armstrong: I should have known...(Takes it and puts something in the pizza guy's hand) There you are my good man, keep the change.

Pizza Guy: ...Dude, you can't pay with 3 baseballs...

(Armstrong slams the door shut)

Armstrong: Who wants pizza! Looks down to see it's gone) Where'd it go?

(Everyone looks at Gluttony to see a large square thing in his mouth. He chews it and swallows)

Gluttony: Ahhhhhhhh

Hawkeye: ...Did you really need to eat the box?

Gluttony: That's where all the flavor is...


	18. The Anime Convention

TOPIC: A bottle of milk, two Klingons, an anime convention, and a pizza place.

* * *

Roy: Ed, truth or dare? 

Ed: Dare of course!

Roy: (tosses him a bottle)

Ed: ...What is this?

Roy: Milk.

Ed: MILK! GET IT AWAY! (He tries to throw it away, but it won't go anywhere)

Roy: Good luck, I glued that bastard good.

Ed: You are a heartless son of a--

Winry: Ed, just drink it!

Ed: NEVER!

Al: Why not?

Ed: Al, you of all people should know that I hate milk!

Riza: Is that why you're so short?

(He looks royally pissed, but tries to pry it off his hand)

Winry: Calm down Ed!

Ed: It's not worth it! (He transmutes his automail arm into the sword, gets ready to cut his hand off) IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

Roy: Jesus Christ! (Tackles him)

Ed: Get it off! IT BURNS!

(Roy pulls it off, Ed punches him and he goes flying)

Ed: You deserved that you asshole!

Armstrong: Changing the subject... Who wants a pizza?

Gluttony: I will get it! Gluttony Like food!

Everyone: HELL NO!

Al: I'll get it...

(He leaves. standing in line, he sees two nerds in Klingon costumes)

Nerd 1: Oh please! Episode 231B was cleraly better than 120A in Star Trek!

Nerd 2: Come on! Captain Kirk can easily beat--

(Al knocks them out)

Al: Sorry, you both had that one coming...

(Hours later, Roy's reading the newspaper)

Roy: Hey... there's an anime convention in town!

Ed: Oh god, like we need more nerds around here...

Al: We should go!

(Everyone stares at him)

Al: What? it mnight me fun...

(They all end up at the convention)

Hawkeye: ...How the hell did we get here so fast?

Ed: Don't ask, now what the hell is there to do around here?

Roy: Good question...

(A loud scream is heard, three fangirls appear)

Fangirl 1: Oh my GOD! You look just like Roy Mustang!

Fangirl 2: He's so hot!

Fangirl 3: I got dibs on him!

Fangirl 2: Like hell you do, I get him! (She grabs his arm)

Fangirl 1: Mine! (Grabs his other arm)

Fangirl 3: How about we share him? (She grins pervertedly)

Fangirl 1 and 2: Okay! (They all pick him up and carry him away)

Ed: ...What the hell just happened?

Hawkeye: Those three sluts just ran off with my man! GET BACK HERE! (She chases them)

Al: ..Right...

(Some guy dressed as Kenshin Himura walks by)

Kenshin: Who are you supposed to be?

Ed: Ed Elric...

Kenshin: ...I don't think he's that short...

(Ed screams and pounces on him, clawing at him)

Al and Winry: Ed, Calm down! (They pry him off, a piece of clothing in his hand and between his teeth)

Ed: LET ME DOWN! THE LITTLE F-CKER'S ASKING FOR IT!


	19. Indiana Roy

Sorry Inuyanda, your topic would have been next, but I dunno if that's a typo or what, but I dunno what a "Stell" is, so if you could clear that up for me, I'll get it written soon as possible.

TOPIC: Half of a television set, a wrecking ball, a tar pit, quicksand, a ripoff of Indiana Jones, and someone bashing someone upside the head with something.

* * *

Sheska: Roy, Truth or Dare? 

Roy: Hmm, Truth.

Sheska: What's your most wanted fantasy?

Roy: Well, ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to be like Indiana Jones..

(Start Fantasy)  
(Roy is wearing an Indiana Jones outfit in a secret temple in front of an alter with an artifact on it. he's holding a small bag of sand in one hand, his other hand getting ready to grab the artifact. he quickly picks the artifact up and replaces it with the sand, turns around to leave and steps on a lever, behind him a giant rock is released and rolls towards him. He runs down the hall and sees a small hole in the floor. He jumps over it, looking down to see a tar pit beneath him and lands on the other side, then runs towards the entrance. he goes outside and dives to the left as the giant rock flies out into a large pit of quicksand.)  
(End Fantasy)

Everyone: (blinks) o..kay..

Roy: what? I can be Indiana Jones!

Ed: Sure ya can..

Roy: I'll prove it! (he runs outta the house, a few minutes later they hear a loud sound. they gather around the window and look out to see Roy running from a wrecking ball)

Roy: SEE! I'M INDIANA JONES! (running towards the house)

Everyone: ROY, NO!

(Roy jumps outta the way, the wrecking ball hits the house. After the smoke clears, everyone looks pissed at Roy)

Roy: Um... I'm sorry?

Ed: (looks really pissed, grabs the broken television set)

Roy: Uh.. what's that in your hand, Ed?

Ed: Why, it's half of the television I was gonna watch later... (hits Roy upside the head with it.)


	20. Arrested

TOPIC: Boredom, an appearance in court, a half-eaten sandwich, and some bubblegum

* * *

Al: Ed, truth or dare? 

Ed: (sigh) Dare.. WAIT NO! F-CK THIS SH-T! I'M BORED AS HELL! LET'S DO SOMETHIN WILD!

Winry: ...like what?

Ed: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT! (whispers in her ear)

Winry: ...uh huh... yeah... okay... alright... I think we can do that... a half eaten sandwich?... yeah... Sounds like fun, let's go! (grabs Ed's hand and runs out the door. Roy and Hawkeye blink)

Roy: So, what do you think that was all about...?

Hawkeye: (shrugs) Knowing them, it'll end up on an episode of Cops...

(Roy and Riza look at each other, then run to the TV and turn it on)

News Announcer: In other news, local couple Ed Elric and Winry Rockbell appeared in court today for charges unknown to the press at this time.

Roy: (turns it off) Yeeah, expect a phone call...

Hawkeye: Can't leave them alone, can we?

(the phone rings)

Roy: (answers it and sighs) Yeah? Uh huh.. Okay.. A half eaten sandwich...? Yeah.. alright... (sigh) We'll be there.. (hangs up) Okay, we gotta go bail them out.

Hawkeye: What'd they do?

Roy: Stole a hundred packs of bubblegum..


	21. Ed on Sugar II: Roy's Worst Nightmare

Haha, I'm sorry, Inuyanda. I was pretty sure it was steel but I wanted to make sure. Anyway, here's your topic, and it's a long one, too!

TOPIC: Chocolate, steel, and a blanket.

* * *

Winry: Roy, truth or dare? 

Roy: Dare.

Winry: Remember when Scar gave Ed that chocolate...?

Roy: (thinks, then shudders) Eh, yeah.. Why?

Winry: I dare you to lock yourself in a triple-reinforced steel room for an hour with Ed on chocolate!

Roy: Yeah, I can do that, I think..

Ed: NO WAY! I'M NOT GONNA BE LOCKED IN A STEEL ROOM WITH _HIM _OF ALL PEOPLE!

Winry: Too bad! (hits him with a wrench, he goes unconscious) Okay Roy, your clock starts when he eats this chocolate. (hands him 5 bars of chocolate) Now, the room has a camera and a microphone, so we'll be able to see everything and communicate with you, incase things get ugly..

Roy: Incase things get ugly...? I don't like the sounds of that..

Winry: Oh well! (throws Ed in the room, then drags Roy to it and throws him in. Slams the door shut and locks it with three keys, two padlocks, and 5 deadbolts) Yeah, he ain't goin anywhere. (walks over to the table with a TV screen and microphone on it)

Hawkeye: So, how ugly do you think it'll get..?

Winry: This is Ed we're talking about. That pretty much says it all..

(on the screen Ed wakes up)

Ed: (looks around, sees Roy, then spots the camera) Hey! What's the big idea!

Winry: (into the microphone) Don't worry, it's just for an hour! Besides, you probably won't notice since you'll be hyped up on sugar!

Ed: Says who?

Roy: (sighs) Here.. (holds up the five bars of chocolate)

Ed: GIMME! (snatches them outta his hand, downs them all in one gulp, wrappers included)

Roy: I don't think you were supposed to eat the wrappers...

Winry: And your time starts now! (hits a button on a nearby digital clock, it starts counting up from 0)

Roy: This'll be a piece of cake, right Ed?

Ed: (eye twitches, starts twitching)

Roy: Uh.. Ed? You okay..?

Ed: (pops up inches from Roy's face) OKAY? I'M BETTER THAN OKAY! I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS! (starts jumping around wildly)

Roy: (backs away into a corner)

Ed: I KNOW! LET'S PLAY A GAME!

Roy: ..What kinda game..?

Ed: TAG! YOU'RE IT! (smacks Roy hard upside the head then runs around the room in circles)

Roy: Grr.. ED! (chases him)

(on the screen, it shows Roy chasing Ed around the room in circles)

Hawkeye: (laughs) Now THIS is entertainment!

Ed: Neh neh, You'll never catch me! (claps his hands, transmutes the wall into a cage that wraps around Roy)

Roy: ED! LET ME OUTTA HERE! (trying to pry the bars apart)

Ed: HOW ABOUT NO, COLONEL PRICK!

Roy: ED, IF YOU DON'T LET ME OUTTA HERE, I'LL FRY YOU TO A CRISP, SO HELP ME GOD! (getting ready to snap his fingers at Ed)

Ed: I'LL DO IT LATER MOMMY! (Transmutes a pogo stick from the floor, starts bouncing on it) BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!

Roy: (melts the bars apart, goes over to Ed and strangles him) YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

Ed: (appears behind Roy, the 'Ed' being strangled by Roy is one of his transmuted dopplegangers) HI, SERGEANT SNICKERS! (transmutes a rubber mallet from the floor and hits Roy on the head with it)

Winry: (laughing her ass off) Yeah, this is hilarious! (the clock shows 10 minutes have passed)

Roy: (takes the mallet away from Ed) THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA SQUASH YOU LIKE A BUG! I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU TWO SINCE YOU'RE THE SAME HEIGHT!

Ed: (eye twitches) WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP SO SHORT HE NEEDS TO WEAR TWO-FOOT-THICK PLATFORM SHOES TO RIDE THE ROLLER COASTER AT THE AMUSEMENT PARK!

Roy: YOU, SHORTY! (burns the mallet)

Ed: WELL YOU'RE A DUMBASS LOSER WHO CAN'T EVEN BEAT A 15 YEAR OLD SHRIMP!

Roy: WHY DON'T YOU GET ON A STEP LADDER AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE!

Ed: GAH! THAT'S IT! (gets ready to punch him)

Roy: (puts a hand a good foot or two above Ed's head) Sorry sir, you must be at least this tall to fight me!

Ed: (tackles Roy and starts biting his arm)

Roy: AHH! GET 'IM OFF! GET 'IM OFF! (kicks him off, a quarter falls outta Roy's pocket)

Ed: Ooooh, shiny! (pounces on the quarter, starts playing with it)

Roy: (catching his breath) Well, you've got the attention span of a fly..

Ed: (stops playing with the quarter, transmutes it into a blanket, ties it around his neck) LOOK! I'M SUPER ALCHEMIST! WHOOSH! (runs around with his arms outstretched)

Roy: (sweatdrop) He reminds me how much I don't want kids...

Ed: (unties the blanket, lays down and covers his legs with it with enough room next to him for another person. has a lustful look in his eyes) Roy darling, why don't you come back to bed with me..?

Roy: (goes wide-eyed, runs to the door and starts pounding on it) LET ME OUTTA HERE!

Hawkeye: (laughing) Winry, your boyfriend's coming on to mine!

Winry: (giggles) Yeah, but it's too bad your boyfriend doesn't swing that way!

Roy: QUIT LAUGHING ABOUT IT AND GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Winry: Nah, you still got 30 minutes left and uh, it looks like your 'lover' wants you back!

(Roy looks over at Ed, Ed starts crying)

Ed: Why (sob) don't (sob) you (sob) like me? (crying) I thought we were lovers!

Roy: ...have you gone COMPLETELY INSANE? (walks over to Ed, picks him up by the shirt collar, smacks him) WE (smack) ARE (smack) NOT (smack) LOVERS! (smack smack)

Ed: WHO ARE YOU? I DON'T KNOW YOU! THAT'S MY POT PIE!

Roy: (stares at him) Wha..?

Ed: (bites Roy's hand, he drops him. starts ribbiting and hopping around like a frog)

Roy: (Blinks) Well, it's better than coming on to me..

Ed: OMIGOD ROY!

Roy: What now?

Ed: It's a fashion emergency! (transmutes the floor into a chair, grabs Roy and makes him sit down in it)

Roy: What the-!

Ed: This will not do! (straps him into the chair)

Sheska: What do you think he's gonna do?

Winry: Dunno, but I bet it'll be funny.

Ed: (pulls something out of his pocket) You need a makeover! (starts putting makeup on Roy)

Roy: GAH! IT BUUUUURNS! (blinks) Wait... Why are you carrying around makeup in your pocket?

Ed: You don't wanna know.. Now sit still!

(a few minutes later)

Ed: ..And voila! I give you, Rachel Mustang! (turns the chair around to face the camera. they gasp. Roy looks like a girl wearing a dress with no hint of him being a man)

Winry: Haha! You're dating a girl, Riza!

Hawkeye: He looks just like one!

Al: ...I'm kinda disturbed that Ed knows how to do that so well..

Roy: I'M GONNA KILL YOU WHEN I GET OUTTA HERE! (rips his arms out of the straps, then his legs)

Ed: RUN! IT'S GODZILLA! (points to Roy)

Roy: (Eye twitches) How much longer do I got in here?

Winry: (looks at the clock) about 5 minutes, Rachel.

Roy: Don't call me that! (wipes the makeup off and tears off the dress)

Ed: VROOM VROOM! (runs around acting like he's driving a car)

Roy: Hey Ed, how hard do you think you can hit the wall?

Ed: LET'S FIND OUT! (runs from one side of the room to the next, hitting the wall as hard as he can. he's knocked unconscious)

Roy: (sigh of relief) Finally...

Winry: Okay, time's up! (unlocks the door, Roy runs out of there fast as lightning)

Hawkeye: Are you okay, Roy?

Roy: (eye twitches, insane grin) Knick knack paddy-whack, give the dog a bone... (falls over)


	22. Gluttony's Favorite Food

Okay, I got most the scenes from reviewers done! First up is another topic by sesshomaru-haku! Oh, and Poetry-In-Motion-XXX, the homunculi appear on and off. I use whatever characters would be best for the topic, as you can see Armstrong isn't in a lot of them and Sheska wasn't in many of the first ones. Don't worry, I'll try to get them in more topics for ya. miley.miller, I looked up Manapopsicle and couldn't find anything on it, so can you explain to me what it is? Like is it a talking popsicle or what? I don't wanna type up a chapter with it and have it turn out to be the completely wrong thing. 

TOPIC: Crayons, a bus, and salt.

* * *

Hawkeye: Gluttony, Truth or Dare? 

Gluttony: Dare!

Hawkeye: I dare you to draw your favorite food with these crayons! (hands him a box of crayons)

Gluttony: Okay! (takes the crayons and eats them then burps)

Winry: Um, you weren't supposed to eat the crayons..

Hawkeye: Here, don't eat them this time... (hands him another box)

Gluttony: (takes them and eats them again)

Hawkeye: (sigh) Ed, do you mind?

Ed: Fine... (claps hands, transmutes a brick into a box of crayons, hands them to Gluttony, he eats them)

-2 hours, 16 minutes, and 179 boxes of crayons later-

Ed: THIS IS THE LAST GODDAMN BOX I'M GONNA MAKE! (claps hands, transmutes another brick into a box of crayons, hands it to Gluttony) DO NOT EAT THIS ONE!

Gluttony: (takes it, blinks) Ooh! This is for COLORING, not EATING! I get it now!

Everyone: (anime fall) YES!

Gluttony: Hm, Gluttony's favorite food.. Got it! (finds a sheet of paper and starts drawing on it.)

-a few hours later-

Gluttony: Done! (holds up the sheet of paper)

Envy: ...THAT'S your favorite food?

Lust: ...What the hell is it?

Ed: ...IT TOOK YOU THREE F-CKING HOURS TO DRAW THAT?

Winry: (cough) That's uh... interesting, for lack of better words...

Roy: (eye twitches) Idiot..

(paper shows a small circle with a beak and the words "BWAK BWAK" written around it)

Gluttony: IT'S A CHICKEN! (looks at it, then puts salt on it and eats the paper)

Hawkeye: ...Did he just eat that?

Lust: He eats everything...

Gluttony: Gluttony's turn! Midget, Truth or Dare?

Ed: (eye twitches) ...Dare...

Gluttony: I dare you to make a bus stop!

Ed: (sighs) Fine. (claps his hands, puts them on a nearby sofa, it turns into a bench and a sign that says "Bus Stop" on it) There, happy?

Al: I see no point in that..

Roy: This is Gluttony we're talking about... DO YOU SEE ANY POINT IN ANY THING HE DOES OR SAYS?

Al: ...good point.

Ed: Now- (suddenly, the sound of an engine revving is heard coming closer)

Envy: What the hell is that?

(Suddenly a bus comes crashing through the wall and stops in front of the bus stop Ed made. Ed dives out of the way)

Ed: HOLY F-CK!

(people get off the bus and the bus drives through another wall. The people walk out of the hole in the wall)

Winry: What the hell?

Ed: (transmutes the bus stop back into a sofa, then turns to Gluttony) ...You stupid sonova bitch...


	23. Frog in a Blender

Here's another one from RealNutcase! 

TOPIC: Mistletoe, a frog in a blender, and apple cider.

* * *

Sheska: Ed, truth or dare? 

Ed: Dare.

Sheska: I dare you to walk over to Winry!

Ed: ...that's it? (shrugs) Whatever. (he walks over to her) Was that all?

Winry: Hey Ed.. (points up)

Ed: (looks up to see some mistletoe) Meh.. (kisses her, then they start making out)

Al: Um, Ed..?

(they're still making out)

Sheska: I'll go ahead and go again since he's um, busy.. Roy, truth or dare?

Roy: Dare.

Sheska: I dare you to make the group some apple cider.

Roy: (smirks) I'll make my special adult cider.. (walks to the kitchen)

Al: What's that mean?

Hawkeye: (sweatdrop) Just don't drink it..

Al: I can't drink it anyway! I'm a f-cking suit of armor!

Roy: (comes back into the room) Why is there a frog in the blender..?

(everyone follows him to the kitchen, there's a frog floating in some water in the blender)

Hawkeye: How'd that get there?

Frog: (to Riza) Hey sweet-cheeks, you got a fine ass!

Sheska: Gasp, it talks!

Roy: Yeah, and it's talkin bout my woman! (turns the blender on 2, the frog's just floating)

Frog: Wow, you're a pansy.

Roy: (turns it up to 3, the frog starts spinning)

Frog: Hey look, I'm spinnin!

Roy: (turns it up to 5)

Frog: Hey dumbass, tryin to make me puke? (coughs up a fly, then eats it again)

Roy: (turns it up to 7)

Frog: (holding onto the sides) Okay, joke's over, cut it out!

Roy: (turns it up to 8)

Frog: (hits the sides) You suck!

Roy: (turns it up to 9)

Frog: (keeps hitting the sides hard) Hey! Ow!

Roy: (turns it up to 10)

Frog: Whoa! (blades cut him up. Sheska, Winry, and Riza look away)

Hawkeye: Disgusting!

Winry: Eww

Ed: Haha, that was great!


	24. Trip to the Beach

The couch is on fire: Thank you, my ideas are pretty disturbing, in a funny way though. And yeah, I'd have to be insane to come up with most of these ideas. Anyway, here's yer topic! 

TOPIC: Royai, bologna, sea turtles, and a truckload of children on a fieldtrip.

* * *

Winry: Roy, Truth or Dare? 

Roy: Dare!

Winry: I dare you to take everyone at the nearest elementary school on a field trip!

Roy: How many people's that?

Winry: Let's see, 6 grades, 2 classrooms each, 30 kids a classroom plus 30 staff members, do the math.

Roy: Umm... (counting on his fingers, then gasps) TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE!

Everyone: (sweatdrops)

Ed: It's 390, dillhole!

Roy: Shut up, leprechaun!

Ed: Gasp! How'd you kno- I mean... I'm not a friggin' leprechaun! (shifty eyes)

Roy: Anyway... Yeah, I can do that!

Ed: Prove it!

Roy: I will! (runs out the door towards the elementary school)

Al: Think he can do it?

Hawkeye: Are you kidding? He can't stand being around one kid let alone 300!

Sheska: Yep, this is gonna be a disaster.

(a bunch of talking can be heard outside. everyone goes over to the window to see what it is. Outside, Roy's leading the entire school of kids to the house. the group walks outside to meet up with Roy)

Ed: Okay, now what are you gonna do with 'em?

Roy: Well, I called a transportation service that'll accomodate us all, then we're going to the ocean!

Hawkeye: (glomps Roy) Aww, even if you do hate kids, this is still cute! (kisses his cheek) So how many buses did you get?

Roy: ...Buses...?

(suddenly a semi truck drives by and stops in front of Roy)

Driver: Mr. Roy Mustang?

Roy: Yeah, that's me.

Driver: Okay, load up your cargo and tell me where you want it to go.

Hawkeye: (glares at him) A F-CKING SEMI TRUCK? ARE YOU INSANE? (smacks him)

Roy: OW! It's cheaper than the 8 buses we'd need!

(a kid is heard screaming. Everyone looks over to where the scream is coming from. The kid is being eaten by Gluttony)

Lust: Gluttony! Don't eat the goddamn kids! You'll ruin your apetite!

Gluttony: Gluttony can't help it.. It's like an all-you-can-eat buffet!

Winry: Anyway, let's get the rest of the kids on board..

(Ed, Al, Winry, Sheska, and Hawkeye lead the giant group of kids into the back of the semi. Roy gets up front in the passenger seat)

Roy: Okay, I need this all to go to the ocean.

Driver: Alright. (starts driving)

-a few minutes later-

Driver: (hears noises coming from the back of the truck) So uh, what kinda stuff are you delivering...?

Roy: Oh, just some stuff that needs to be dropped off at the ocean.

Driver: ...it's not toxic, is it?

Roy: Oh, definitely not!

Driver: (thinks, then hears noises that sounds like talking coming from the back) You uh, didn't load that giant group of kids into the back, did you...?

Roy: ...maybe...

Driver: ...Are you an idiot? I'm stopping this truck right now!

Roy: (pulls out a gun and points it at the driver) Just shut up and drive!

-an hour later-

Roy: (gets out and opens the doors at the back of the semi) We're here!

(everyone looks banged up and bruised from the ride)

Roy: Is everyone okay?

(as everyone gets out, they kick Roy in the leg when they pass him)

Roy: God damnit! What the hell's their problem!

(Ed, Al, Winry, Sheska, and Hawkeye are the last to get off, they all glare at him)

Winry: Never again...

Ed: YOU F-CKING IDIOT! WE COULDA BEEN KILLED!

Roy: But you're alive, now aren't you?

Ed: ...shut up.

Roy: Let's go! (leads them all to the beach)

Random kid 1: Hey look, a turtle! (points to a sea turtle sitting on the beach halfway in the water. he runs up to Roy) Mr. Mustang, what do turtles eat?

Roy: Eh.. (searches around in his pocket, pulls out a half-eaten bologna sandwich, gives it to the kid) They eat bologna!

Random Kid 1: Thanks! (runs to the turtle)

Sheska: ...Why was there a half-eaten sandwich in your pocket?

Roy: It was lunch, thought I'd eat it later.

Random Kid 1: (trying to get the turtle to eat the sandwich) He won't eat it!

Random Kid 2: I don't think it likes that kinda stuff. But I know what does!

Random Kid 1: What?

Random Kid 2: That! (points to a shark swimming around close to the shore, takes the bologna sandwich and swims out to the shark and offers the sandwich to it. The shark eats the kid)

Truth-or-Dare Group: (sweatdrop)

Roy: Okay kids! Don't be retarded like that kid was and stay away from the sharks!

(all the kids back away from the water)

Roy: Now we just say that kid ran away and it'll be fine...

-a few hours later-

(the sun's setting, Roy's sitting on the beach with his arms wrapped around Riza staring across the ocean at the sunset, Ed and Winry are doing the same thing further down the beach)

Roy: I love you Riza.

Hawkeye: I love you too Roy. (they kiss)

Al: (walks by) Oh give me a break.. (continues walking, he comes across Ed and Winry)

Ed: (holding Winry in his arms) I love you Winry.

Winry: I love you too Ed. (they kiss)

Al: Can I get a f-cking break already? (keeps walking, comes across Sheska sitting alone on the beach) Hey Sheska! (walks up to her)

Sheska: (depressed) Oh, hey Al..

Al: All alone?

Sheska: Yeah..

Al: Me too. Say, you wanna...?

Sheska: (blinks) Wanna what..? OH! Oh, no no, I- I'm a, um, lesbian! That's it!

Al: Oh, okay... that sucks.. (gets up and walks away)

Sheska: (sigh of relief) Talk about dodging a bullet.. (a hot guy walks up to her)

Guy: Hey, you're pretty cute. Do you have a boyfriend?

Sheska: (sigh) No..

Guy: Well, do you wanna go out with me sometime?

Sheska: Sure! (They start kissing)


	25. Lord of the Alchemists

Nah, I never get tired of getting topics from my readers! Most of the fun in writing this is getting topics from other people. Anyway, here's your topic, Poetry-In-Motion-XXX! 

TOPIC: Cherry pie, a red rose, and the Ring of Power from Lord of the Rings.

* * *

Hawkeye: Ed, Truth or Dare? 

Ed: Dare me!

Hawkeye: I dare you to.. (whispers in his ear) ..confess your love to Winry.

Ed: (blushes) What! I can't do that!

Roy: Oh, suck it up, wuss. I'm sure it can't be that bad. Hell, I could probably do it myself!

Hawkeye: (glares at Roy, then turns back to Ed) It's easy, just go up and say it!

(everyone's looking at them with confused looks)

Ed: (sigh) Fine. (claps his hands and transmutes something, then puts it behind his back where no one can see it.)

Al: What's that?

Ed: You'll see soon enough.. (walks over to Winry, then kneels down and presents the red rose to her) Winry, I love you so much. I've always loved you.

Winry: (blushing and smiling) Oh Edward! I love you too! (wraps her arms around him and kisses him)

Roy: ...Right...

Ed: Alright, this one is for everyone, Truth or Dare?

(everyone talks amongst themselves)

Everyone: Dare.

Ed: Okay, I dare the entire group to dress up like characters from Lord of the Rings!

(everyone shrugs)

-An hour later-

(Roy is dressed as Aragorn, Riza as Arwen, Winry as Legolas, Al as Gandalf)

Ed: Alright, seems like everyone did that.

Roy: Wait. (digs around in his pocket, pulls out a ring that looks like the Ring of Power. He tosses it to Ed)

Ed: What's this?

Roy: It's the Ring of Power.

Ed: ...Why are you giving it to me?

Roy: Well you're gonna dress up too, right? Aren't you gonna be Frodo? You're sure as hell short enough to be.

Ed: (eye twitches) WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MIDGET SO SHORT HE GETS CONFUSED FOR A LOST CHILD WHEN HE GOES TO THE MALL?

Roy: You, you freaky little hobbit!

Ed: Okay! Enough Lord of the Rings! (throws the ring at Roy. Everyone dresses normally and sits down in the circle)

Winry: I guess I'll go. Roy, truth or dare?

Roy: Truth.

Winry: How many cherry pies can you eat in a row?

Roy: Um, I don't really know.. 5?

Winry: Let's find out! (runs to the store, buys 30 cherry pies, brings them back in under a minute. Everyone stares at her)

Hawkeye: ...How did you do that so fast?

Ed: HOW DO WE DO ANYTHING ANYMORE?

Winry: Okay! Start eating! (puts a pie in front of Roy)

Roy: (looks at Winry, then the pie, then back to Winry, then back to the pie)

Winry: Well? C'mon! What are you waiting for?

Roy: (sighs) Fine.. (starts eating the pie)

Everyone: Chug! Chug! Chug!

Roy: (stops eating) DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DRINKING TO YOU? (finishes one pie, goes on to the next)

Ed: We were just getting into the spirit of things!

Roy: Whatever. (finishes that one, grabs nother)

-2 hours, 3 trips to the store, $1500, and 124 pies later-

Roy: (looks like he's gonna throw up) Okay, I think I'm finished... (head falls into the pie he was eating)

Hawkeye: (sweatdrop) I don't think Gluttony can even eat that much...


	26. Pervert Mustang

Haha, I got a lot of ideas from this topic, but this is the one I decided to write. Here's BlackStarAlchemist's topic! 

TOPIC: A camera, a Butterfinger bar, soap, and a bikini.

* * *

Roy: Riza, Truth or Dare? 

Hawkeye: Um, dare.

Roy: I dare you to wear nothing but a bikini!

Hawkeye: W-what?

Roy: You heard me! Anyway, you can change in that empty room over there. (points to an empty room)

Hawkeye: (sighs) Fine... (she goes into the room and shuts and locks the door)

Winry: What are you planning, Mustang...?

Roy: Oh nothing.. (pulls a camera out of his pocket, goes over to the wall where the room is, takes a painting off the wall revealing a small hole)

Ed: What do you think you're doing?

Roy: Shut up and don't mind me... (staring through the hole and watching Riza change) Oh yeah.. (puts the camera up to the hole and snaps some pictures, then quickly sits back down)

Al: What were you doing?

Roy: I said nothing!

Ed: (sweatdrop) Colonel Pervert..

Roy: Shut it, midget! (throws a rock at him)

Ed: You sonova-! (starts strangling him)

Roy: Get off! (kicks him off)

(Riza comes out of the room wearing a red bikini and blushing with her hair down)

Hawkeye: There, you happy?

Roy: Oh am I ever.. (drooling)

Ed: Um, uh, er, uh... (staring)

Winry: Ed! (covers his eyes) Not for your eyes!

Ed: I'm not looking! I'm not looking!

Winry: Good. (uncovers his eyes)

Ed: Uh... (still staring at Riza)

Winry: ED! (throws a wrench at him)

Ed: Ow! Okay! I'll stop!

Hawkeye: Um, Ed, Truth or Dare?

Ed: Dare! (smirks) I'll do whatever you tell me to.. (drooling)

Winry: (smacks him with a wrench over and over again) YOU (smack) DON'T (smack) DO (smack) THAT! (smack smack smack)

Ed: Hahaha, flying red polka dots... (falls over)

Hawkeye: Is he okay...?

Roy: Who cares..

-An hour later-

Ed: (wakes up) How long was I out...? (blinks) WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

(Hawkeye is sitting on Roy's back like a dog, Winry's filling Al's head with liquid soap, Sheska's jumping up and down on a small trampoline with an accordion)

Winry: Oh, um.. yeah, things happened while we were waiting for you to wake up.. (she puts Al's head back on his body, Riza gets off Roy, Sheska gets off the trampoline)

Sheska: (nervous cough) Anyway..

(Roy pulls a Butterfinger bar out of his pocket and starts eating it. Ed watches him)

Ed: Hey.. (checks his pockets) That's my Butterfinger, you candy-stealing bastard! (tackles Roy)

Roy: Well you were sleeping and you and sugar don't mix! (trying to keep the Butterfinger away from Ed)

Ed: Don't lay a finger on my Butterfinger! (punches Roy)

Roy: That's it! (eats the entire Butterfinger bar) What now, short stuff!

Ed: (glares at Roy then turns to Hawkeye) Hey Riza, Pervert Mustang here took pictures of you changing through that hole in the wall! (points to the hole)

Riza: W-WHAT? (looks over at the hole, then glares at Mustang with fire in her eyes)

Roy: Um.. I can explain? (she's still glaring at him, now holding a wrench curtousy of Winry) God damn I hate you Ed.. (Riza starts beating him with the wrench)


	27. The Italian Restaurant

Here's another one from RealNutcase! 

TOPIC: A watch, two cups of tea, and an Italian restaurant.

* * *

Roy: I think we should get something to eat before playing anymore Truth or Dare. 

Winry: Yeah, I am gettin kinda hungry..

Sheska: Me too.

Al: I hate you all so much..

Ed: How about going to an Italian Restaurant?

(everyone agrees. A few minutes later they're at an Italian restaurant)

Ed: I'll just have two cups of tea.

Roy: (looking at menu) Let's see, I'll have three of these, (points) two of these, (points) this in jumbo size, (points) and 14 of these.

Waiter: ...Are you sure about that sir?

Roy: Yeah, I'm hungry!

(everyone else orders)

-An hour and a half later-

Roy: (Burps) That was good..

Everyone: (blinks and sweatdrops)

Hawkeye: Do I even wanna know how you managed to finish all that?

Winry: I don't think so..

Sheska: So... who's paying?

Roy: Don't worry ladies, I got it covered with some of the military funds.

Waiter: (comes back and hands Roy a piece of paper) Your bill, sir.

Roy: Thank you, my good man! (the waiter leaves. Roy looks at the paper then his eyes go wide) FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS?

Ed: Ya shouldn't have got all that food...

Roy: Okay, here's the plan, when there's no one in the way to stop us, we run for it!

winry: ...Dine 'n dash?

Hawkeye: I thought you said you were paying!

Roy: I can't afford it...

Ed: That's a bad idea Roy... I've seen the Sopranos, I know what they do to people!

Roy: Okay, one, two, three, RUN FOR IT!

(everyone gets up and runs for the door, all the waiters and staff try to stop them but don't make it in time)

-a few minutes later-

(Everyone's back in the house)

Roy: Well that worked out smoothly!

(everyone glares at him)

Winry: Hey... Where's Ed?

Roy: (shrugs) Probably got caught..

Everyone: ...WHAT!

Roy: You heard me!

(Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, Ed is taken to the back room, where a large Italian man sitting behind a desk dressed in a suit and tie with a lot of rings and a Rolex is petting a cat)

Ed: Um, hey there, uh, nice watch! (nervous laugh)

Don: (Looks at his watch) Thank you. I was able to buy it from running this.. legitimate.. business here, in which every customer pays. (looks back at Ed) Now, do you know what we do to people like you who don't pay?

(a scream is heard from the next room, Ed looks over to it, then looks at the Don)

Ed: Um.. what do you do...?

Don: We put them to work for no pay until every cent is made up... Five thousand dollars is a lot of money to make up...

Ed: It's not my goddamn fault! I only ordered two goddamn cups of tea! You wanna know who ordered five of everything on there? I'll give you his name, phone number, address, associates, place of business, anything!

Don: Hm, I like your spunk, kid. Willing to rat out a friend just to save your own hide.

Ed: Eh yeah, friend.. (shifty eyes. he writes down the info and leaves)

(Meanwhile, back at the truth or dare, the phone rings)

Roy: (Answers it) Yes?

Don: Roy Mustang?

Roy: Speaking.

Don: I believe you have some business with me...

Roy: And who is this?

Don: This is Don Giovanni of the Italian mafia.

Roy: (thinks: "God damn I hate you Ed..") Mr. Giovanni, what an unpleasant surprise..


	28. Roy and Ed's Makeout Session

Sorry it took me a while to update, I've been a lil busy. Anyway, I got a few chapters done. The others will be up a lil later, but kickin it off is another one from RealNutcase! 

TOPIC: Roy/Ed, a llama, and a bottle of scotch whiskey.

* * *

Hawkeye: Okay, Roy, truth or dare? 

Roy: Dare.

Hawkeye: I dare you to...

Winry: Hey Riza, how about.. (whispers in her ear)

Hawkeye: Hmm, not a bad idea.. Okay Roy, I dare you to make out with Ed! (Ed spits out the tea that he was drinking)

Roy and Ed: WHAT?

Ed: There's no way in hell I'd let him kiss me!

Roy I'm not gonna make out with that little troll!

Ed: (eye twitches) GO F-CK YOURSELF, BASTARD MUSTANG!

Roy: (getting ready to snap) DON'T MESS WITH ME MIDGET! I'LL BURN YOU TO A CRISP IN AN INSTANT!

Hawkeye: How about this Roy, make out with him or no sex for a month?

Roy: (actually considering it) Kiss Ed, or no sex for a month, kiss Ed, or no sex for a month... I'd rather go the month without sex!

Hawkeye: How about kiss him or no sex for a year?

Roy: But you said a month!

Hawkeye: Well I made it a year!

Roy: D'oh! Okay fine, I can't go _that_ long without it... (sigh) Ed, come here..

Ed: (being pulled over to Mustang by Winry) NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! (Winry forces him in front of Mustang)

Roy: Let's just get this over with.. (looking down at Ed, who is twitching and angry) Okay, I just can't do this... I mean look at him! I don't think even a girl would kiss him looking like that! I mean, I knew a girl would never kiss him before, but this is on a whole 'nother level!

(Ed hits Roy)

Sheska: Hm, I think we can take care of that!

Winry: Yeah, no prob!

(Sheska, Winry, and Riza force Ed into the next room)

Ed: (seen trying to get out of the room) YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! IT'S CRUEL AND UNUSUAL! SOMEONE HELP ME! (the door slams. Ed's screaming is heard along with transmutations, crashes, and things breaking. After a few minutes of that, nothing but silence)

Al: ...You think that's a good sign..?

Roy: I'll get the shovel, you find a good place out back to bury him... God, why do I have to bury all the bodies!

(suddenly the door opens. Winry, Sheska, and Riza appear)

Winry: And now, meet Erika Elric! (they step aside and Ed is seen wearing a sparkling red prom dress, a pair of red stilettos, and red lipstick with light purple eyeshadow with his hair down)

Ed: I hate you guys so much...

Winry: Aw, you know you look cute!

(Roy looks Ed up and down and blushes. Riza catches him and smirks)

Hawkeye: Like what you see?

Roy: I uh... um... er..

(Al and Ed look at him)

Ed: You can't be serious! Are you falling for me? So help me, Roy...

Roy: Well uh, you _do_ look pretty sexy in that..

Ed: Gah! I can't do this! (Tries to get away, but Winry's holding him back. He sighs) Fine... (walks over to Mustang)

Winry: Boy Ed, for being a guy and all and not wearing girls' clothes, you walk pretty well in those stilletos..

Ed: (blushes) So..

Roy: (looks him up and down again) Yeah, I can do this.. (kisses him)

Ed: (pulls away after a few seconds. Thinks to himself) _Wait, I'm not.. liking this.. am I?_

Winry: That wasn't nearly enough!

Hawkeye: Yeah, get in a minute or two!

Roy: (sigh) Fine.. (kisses him again, this time Ed kisses back)

Winry: Think they'll turn?

Hawkeye: (Shrugs) Long as they still like us I don't care what they do..

(they're still kissing, Roy wraps his arms around Ed's waist and Ed wraps his arms around Roy's neck)

Winry: Squee! They're getting into it! (stares intently along with Sheska and Hawkeye)

Roy: (stops kissing Ed for a minute) I love you..

Winry, Hawkeye, and Sheska: WHAT?

Ed: Eh no ya don't, you love what I'm wearing.. Now let's pick up where you left off.. (starts kissing Roy again)

-a few minutes later-

Roy: (pulls away) Think that's enough?

Ed: Uh, one more.. (kisses him once more)

Roy: Okay, that was easy...

Ed: I'm gonna go change.. (walks into the other room, a few minutes later comes back dressed as usual)

Roy: Okay then, Winry, Truth or- what the? (looks down to see Ed clinging to his arm) Ed, what the hell do you think you're doing?

Winry: Aww, he loves you Roy!

Roy: (eye twitches) The dare's over, so get the hell away from me..

Ed: But- but- but you said you loved me! (eyes water)

Roy: No, I said I love "Erika" Elric, now get the hell away from me!

Ed: (Starts to cry) You're so mean, Bastard Mustang! (moves away from him)

Roy: (sigh) Anyway, Truth or dare, Winry?

Winry: Dare.

Roy: I dare you to drink as many shots of Scotch whiskey as you can!

Winry: What! I'm underage!

Roy: Who cares!

Winry: Well, if you insist.. (smirks, opens a cabinet that contains all kinds of alcohol. pulls out a few bottles of scotch whiskey and a shot glass. She pours a shot then drinks it) It's been a while since I- (looks at Hawkeye, Mustang, and Sheska) I mean.. This tastes really good for my first time having it.. (shifty eyes)

Roy: Yeah yeah, we know you're an alcoholic when no one's around. Just drink up.

Winry: Well, if ya put it that way.. (throws the glass behind her and starts drinking from the bottle. She drains the bottle empty in a few seconds)

Hawkeye: ...How does she do that?

Ed: ...You don't wanna know...

Winry: Okay, another bottle and I get to see the donkey! (drinks another bottle, then points at Al) Gasp! The donkey! How'd it get here? (squints) Wait... that's not a donkey..

Al: Yeah, I'm Alphonse, damnit!

Winry: It's a llama! C'mere talking llama! (gets up and runs after Al who's running away) I'ma get you, llama!

Al: I'm not a goddamn llama!

Winry: Say what you want, llama, I'm gonna pet you!

Roy: (whispers to Ed) Is she always like that when she's drunk?

Ed: (thinks, then holds his knees to his chest, rocks back and forth, eye begins to twitch) I don't wanna play with Winry, mommy. She drank wierd stuff and now she's acting crazy. (falls over, sucks thumb)


	29. Mustang on Fire

Here's another one by Inuyanda! 

TOPIC: Fire, whipcream, someone catching on fire, and a metal bar.

* * *

Ed: Roy, truth or dare? 

Roy: Dare.

Ed: Okay, this is gonna be good.. (transmutes a piece of paper into a small candle) I dare you to hold this candle in your mouth then light it with your alchemy!

Roy: That's easy! (puts the candle in his mouth with the wick sticking out, he snaps and a trail of fire goes towards the candle and lights it. He takes the candle out of his mouth) See? No problem!

(everyone's staring at him)

Roy: ...What?

Al: Uh.. (points at Mustang's hair)

Roy: (looks in a mirror, his hair is on fire) OMIGOD! MY HAIR'S ON FIRE! SOMEONE PUT IT OUT!

Winry: Here! This is cold! (pulls out a can of whipcream)

Roy: GIMME! (grabs it and sprays it on his head, when the can's empty the fire's still there) SOMETHING ELSE!

Al: Here! (gives him a can of gasoline)

Roy: (dumps it on his head, the fire gets bigger) BAD! IT'S BIGGER!

Ed: I got it! (transmutes a metal bar, starts whacking Mustang over and over again with it until the fire goes out) There, all better!

(Roy's laying on the ground, twitching)

Al: ...did you kill him, brother?

Ed: (shrugs) He'll be fine..

Roy: (gets up) OKAY ED! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU! (snaps, a trail of fire flies towards Ed, he jumps out of the way and the floor and walls catch on fire)

Hawkeye: Oh good job, Roy!

Roy: IT'S ED'S FAULT!

-10 minutes later-

(Everyone's standing outside the burning house, glaring at Roy)

Ed: DIDN'T YOU LEARN YOUR LESSON THE FIRST GODDAMN TIME? (reference to Chap. 5)


	30. Riza's Toy and Al's New Kitten

I'm so sorry I haven't updated for a while. I've been kinda busy. Thanks for the reviews though, and I promise to get as many done as possible over the next week! Anyway, here's your long-awaited topic, BlackStarAlchemist!

Topic: Root beer, a bouncy ball, and genetically-altered-mega-ultra-super kittens!

* * *

Winry: Ed, truth or dare? 

Ed: Dare!

Winry: (Leaves the room, rolls in a keg) I dare you to drink this entire keg of beer!

(He jumps on it and starts sucking it out with a curly straw)

-an hour later-

Ed: And you know what else I hate? Fanfictions... What the f-ck is with this Roy/Ed sh-t! (He points at Roy) You queer!

Roy: Why you short little...

(Ed falls asleep)

Al: Wow, that must have been some strong beer...

Winry: (Giggling) It was root beer!

Hawkeye: So... he got drunk on soda?

Winry: yep!

Roy: Well this short bastard ain't waking up anytime soon. (Walks over to Ed, nudges him with his foot, Ed grabs his leg and pulls him down, sending Roy on the floor) God damn I hate you Ed...

Lust: Ahh this is funny...

Gluttony: Can--

Envy: No, you can't eat him...

(Glluttony whimpers)

Al: I'll go. Hawkeye, truth or dare?

Hawkeye: Dare.

Al: I dare you to play with this. (Hands her a big bouncy ball)

Hawkeye: Yay! I love to play with these things! (She snatches it and bounces it, watching it)

Al: Hey... that looks like fun... can I try?

(She snatches it out of the air and snarls)

Hawkeye: NO! MINE! Precious... (She starts petting it)

Everyone: (Sweatdrops)

Al: Right...

Hawkeye: (Giggles and keeps bouncing it, a hand comes out of nowhere and grabs it. She looks over to see Gluttony eating it)

Gluttony: Just like chicken...

Hawkeye: (Blinks, growls and rips Ed's automail arm off, starts beating Gluttony with it) GIVE ME THAT BACK YOU FAT SONN'A BITCH!

Scar: (To Roy) What do you see in her!

Roy: ...I don't know anymore...

Hawkeye: (gets up from beating him) Well I feel better. (Hears him groan, hits him again, throws the automail back at Ed) Envy, truth or dare?

Envy: truth!

Hawkeye: Are you a dude or a chick?

Envy: Simple! I'm a (Truck passes by, drowns out answer)

Everyone: I KNEW IT!

Envy: (Sweatdrops) Jackasses... Lust, truth or dare?

Lust: Dare

Envy: I dare you to-

(A small white cat suddenly walks in)

Armstrong: What on earth?

Al: A kitty! (he picks it up) I hope Ed will let me keep it!

Roy: (Walks over to it) I dunno... I don't trust the look in this one's eyes...

(The kitten's eyes glow, it turns red, a huge ass claw appears out of its back, wings pop out on the side of them and its jaws grow. It grins at Roy and pounces on him)

Roy: AHH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THAT DOESN'T BEND THAT WAY!

Al: (blinks) ...Aw he's so cute!

Ed: Ugh... what'd I miss? (Looks at his automail arm on his chest, Al's eye are heart-shaped while watching a monster kitten mauling Roy) You guys have all the fun without me, don't you?


	31. Crossovers II: Believe It!

Sorry it took me so long. I got a lot done though. Anyway, here's your crossover topic, Poetry-In-Motion-XXX!

TOPIC: Naruto, InuYasha, ice, and Kahlua

* * *

Winry: Ya know, this is getting kinda boring again. 

Al: Yeah. Hey Ed, why don't you bring those people back from the other animes?

Ed: Fine... (claps, transmutes a portal, Naruto and InuYasha fall out)

Naruto: Not again...

InuYasha: WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE? (holds knees to chest, rocks back and forth) The insanity... (falls over, sucks thumb)

Roy: O..kay...

Envy: And you guys thought _I_ was the strange one...

Ed: Naruto, truth or dare.

Naruto: I can take a dare, believe it!

Ed: (eye twitches) Okay, I dare you to shut up for the next 10 minutes.

Naruto: Okay!

-5 minutes later-

Naruto: (looks anxious) ... (fidgets) ...BELIEVE IT!

Ed: HA!

Naruto: Damnit! Okay, InuYasha, truth or dare?

InuYasha: Dare.

Naruto: I dare you down as many bottles of Kahlua as you can! Believe it!

Ed: THAT'S IT! (transmutes a baseball bat, starts beating Naruto with it) QUIT (smack) SAYING (smack) THAT (smack) GOD (smack) DAMN (smack) PHRASE! (smacks him over and over again. He's laying on the ground, twitching) Well I feel better now.. (hits him one more time then sits down)

InuYasha: Anyway... Yeah, I can do that if I had some..

Winry: No problem. (opens up the cabinet, pulls out 5 bottles of Kahlua, gives them to InuYasha)

InuYasha: (opens one) Well, here goes. (drinks it, opens another and downs it, opens a third one and drinks half of it) Okay (slurred speech) da munky ish tellin me to STOP. I dun think I wants ta stop. It's like... a party and uh... a party! (hic) Hey baby. (puts his arm around Hawkeye) Good thing my girlfriend ain't here..

Roy: (eye twitches, snaps his fingers, InuYasha catches on fire) There we go.

InuYasha: (running around) AHH! IT BURNS!

Winry: Someone put it out!

Ed: (sighs, transmutes the ceiling above InuYasha into a large block of ice, it falls on him and crushes him)

InuYasha: (from under the block of ice) Ahh..


	32. Al Turns Human

Sorry InuYanda, I can't add anyone from real life into the story. They took down my last story because I did that... Anyway, here's your topic.

TOPIC: A pervert, human Al, a lamp, and a dog.

* * *

Winry: Ed, truth or dare? 

Ed: Dare.

Winry: I dare you to find a way to make Al human!

Ed: (shrugs) Sure. (claps, transmutes Al back into his human self)

Group: GASP!

Audience: GASP!

Entire World: GASP!

Al: (looks at himself in a mirror) I'm back in my old body! But wait... why didn't you just do that in the first place instead of putting me in that armor?

Ed: Yeah, I wasn't really paying attention when I did that...

Roy: So uh, Ed... Since you can do human alchemy, can you... (whispers in his ear)

Ed: NO! I WILL NOT TRANSMUTE A HUMAN SEX SLAVE FOR YOU!

Hawkeye: (eye twitches) God damn pervert! (hits Roy over and over again)

Al: My body is great! I can feel everything! (pets a nearby dog) Ah, it's nice being able to feel things...

Ed: Right... Anyway, Al, truth or dare?

Al: Dare.

Ed: (transmutes a lamp) I dare you to keep your hand on this lightbulb for 15 minutes. (turns the lamp on)

Al: Okay. (puts his hand on the lightbulb)

-a minute later-

Al: OW! That burns! (takes his hand off) I forgot how pain felt!

Ed: ...That's not pain. THIS is pain! (smacks him hard with a metal pole)

Winry: Why the hell did you do that?

Ed: Because I felt like it!


	33. McDonalds

Here's windcallerwolflover's topic!

TOPIC: French fries, a table cloth, and banana phone.

* * *

Ed: Okay, Scar, truth or dare?

Scar: Dare.

Ed: I dare you to go to a restaurant and eat as many french fries as you can!

Scar: Meh, I can do that...

(they all go to McDonalds)

Cashier (girl): Welcome to McDonalds! How may I help you? (big smile)

Scar: Uh.. lemme get 20 large fries..

Cashier: Okay! Is there any other way I could make your meal better? (giggles)

Scar: ...No, that's all...

(the rest of the gang is sitting down at two tables in the corner)

Ed: (whispers to Roy) Okay, that cashier is WAY to happy...

Roy: Yeah, NO one in their right mind would be that happy working at a McDonalds at 8 PM...

Ed: She must be high or something...

Roy: Give her her paycheck and see how happy she is.

(Scar comes back with 2 trays of fries)

Scar: That cashier was creeping me the f-ck out...

(Scar's about to set the trays on the table when Ed gets up)

Ed: Wait!

Scar: (eye twitches) What?

Ed: (pulls a folded up table cloth out of his pocket, unfolds it and puts it on the table)

Winry: ...Why do you carry a table cloth in your pocket?

Ed: So I can do this! (Scar sets the trays down, Ed rips the table cloth out from under them)

Everyone: Ooh (claps)

Ed: No, what I meant to do was this! (knocks the trays on the floor)

Scar: Dammit Ed! What the f-ck is wrong with you? (goes back to the counter and gets two more trays of fries, comes back and shudders) Creepy counter girl...

Roy: Okay Scar, let's see how many you can eat!

Scar: Right! (he starts eating, after the 20th box, he falls over and hits the table)

Ed: That's all you can take?

(Scar glares at him)

Winry: Okay, let's go back to playing...

Scar: Ed, truth or dare?

Ed: Truth.

Scar: Have you ever gone insane?

Ed: Well, there was this one time when I heard this song being played over and over again...

Roy: What song?

Ed: Banana Phone. (suddenly, he hears someone singing "Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana Phone!") Oh god... Does anyone else hear a song playing?

Winry: ...No.

Hawkeye: You hear that song again, don't you?

Ed: (covers his ears) IT WON'T STOP! (holds knees to chest, rocks back and forth) The torture...

Roy: Want me to bash it out of you with a metal pole?

Ed: (twitches madly) Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana Phone! (falls over, sucks thumb)

Winry: (shuts off the tape player in her pocket)

Ed: (shoots up) It stopped! Finally!

Roy: You stopped hearing it?

Ed: Yeah!

Winry: (turns it back on)

Ed: O.o NOOOOOOOO!


	34. Winry and Riza's Makeout Session

Great topic, Seriously Moony, and here it is!

TOPIC: Gummi worms, lesbians, a video camera, and the internet.

* * *

Ed: Winry, truth or dare?

Winry: Dare!

Ed: I dare you to make out with Riza!

Hawkeye and Winry: WHAT?

Ed: HEY! You made me kiss that freak over there! (points to Roy) The least you could do is indulge me with my twisted lesbian fantasies!

(everyone stares at him and blinks)

Ed: Um.. I mean...

Winry: (sigh) Fine.. (goes over to Riza, they start making out)

Roy: (staring at them) Sweet mother of all that is holy... Ed, you are a GOD!

Ed: Yeah, I know. (video taping them)

Winry: (stops kissing Riza and starts fondling her breasts) This is actually enjoyable... (pulls out a pack of gummi worms, puts one halfway in her mouth)

Hawkeye: I didn't know you were such a good kisser... (takes the other end of the candy into her mouth and they start making out again)

Roy: Holy man-nipple! They're going at it like sex-starved monkeys!

Ed: And I'm getting it all on tape...

Roy: Ed, I'll pay whatever you want for a copy of that tape. I have military funds at my disposal!

Ed: Done!

Winry: (stops kissing her and looks over at Ed) You're TAPING this?

Ed: ...No... (hides camera, shifty eyes)

Hawkeye: Ed, so help me god if I don't get that tape...

Ed: ...You'll never catch me! (runs into another room, locks the door. Riza and Winry go over to it and pound on the door)

Winry: Ed! Give us the goddamn tape!

-a few minutes of silence later-

Hawkeye: ED!

Ed: (the door flies open, Ed's standing in the middle of the doorway) Haha! It is now on the internet for everyone to watch!

Winry and Hawkeye: WHAT! (start beating Ed)

Roy: Internet... of course... (slinks away into another room, kissing noises are heard from a computer) Hello internet video...


	35. Ed's Confession

This topic and the next topic are ones I've had done for a while, but kept forgetting to put them up. Enjoy!

TOPIC: Interrogation gone wrong.

* * *

Al: Truth or dare, Ed? 

Ed: Truth!

Al: DO you love Winry?

Ed: (Blushes) N-no! (clearly embarrassed)

Winry: (looks disappointed)

Al: LIAR! (points to him) Where were you on the night of June 27th?

Ed: What does that have to do with anything?

Al: ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Ed: I went to visit Winry!

Al: A likely story! (The area turns black and he's wearing detective clothes) Now tell me! What were you doing in said Winry's house? (Puts a light in front of him)

Ed: Eh... I was... umm, getting my... arm fixed!

Al: Heh, that's what they all say... TELL THE TRUTH!

Ed: OKAY I CONFESS! IT WAS ME WHO PAINTED THE MUSTACHE ON YOU WHEN YOU WERE SLEEPING! IT'S TRUE HOW I LIKE TO DRESS LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS AND DANCE WITH A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE! IT'S TRUE I WEAR WINRY'S HEELS TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK TALLER! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? (He curls up in a ball and starts crying)

Everyone: ...(Sweatdrops)

Al: ...Whoa... Eh... right... (Sits down, everything turns back to normal)

Winry: I was wondering where my heels went... (Pats Ed's back)


	36. Disturbing Conversation

TOPIC: One long conversation.

* * *

Hawkeye: Roy, truth or dare? 

Roy: Dare.

Hawkeye: I dare you to have a nice conversation with Ed.

Roy: (sighs) Fine. (Pulls out a long ass list) Well first...

-2 hours later-

Roy: ...And that's basically all you can do..

Ed: ...You just pulled out a list and stared at it for 2 hours...

Roy: Okay...(Reads it out loud)

-2 days later-

Roy: And that's basically all you can do..

Ed: ...THAT WAS HARRY POTTER YOU JUST READ!

Roy: (Reads something else)

-2 months later-

Roy: There we go..

Ed: ...I can't believe you read the entire Lord of the Rings collection... the books, screenplays, AND fan scripts!

Roy: Yep! You wouldn't believe how much I had to pay for this sh-t! (Pulls out another list)

-5 minutes later-

Roy: And that's how much it cost.

Ed: ...a half eaten sandwich and some bubblegum?

Roy: (Reads other side)

-10 minutes later-

Roy: There.

Ed: ...and 126 coupons for 30 percent off a bag of potatoes?

Roy: Hey! (Waves coupons in front of Ed's face) This stuff comes in handy when needed!

Ed: For what?

Roy: For this. (pulls out a book, reads it)

-3 days later-

Roy: Done

Ed: ...why does that book have my bank account numbers in it?

Roy: Because it does. (Closes it, pulls out tiny slip of paper, reads it)

-2 seconds later-

Roy: ...when I realized what it was.

Ed: You don't have to read me your receipt for 10 boxes of viagra...

Roy: Deal with it. (Pulls out a huge book, reads it)

-50 seconds later-

Roy: (slams it shut) Any questions?

Ed: Wait... so you're saying the meaning of life is...

-3 hours later-

Ed: ...with two forks and a Bon Jovi concert ticket?

Roy: No no, you have it all wrong, the meaning of life is...

-4 hours later-

Roy: Along with a toothpick and some floam.

Ed: Ooh, I get it now! But how does a bucket of cat litter and three dozen cherry bombs fit in...?

Roy: Simple.

-5 minutes later-

Ed: And when the psychic guy eats the cheese, what happens to the dog?

Roy: Well when that happened, they were taken by penguins and...

-5 hours and some very graphic stories later-

Roy: ...and that's how cheese came to Japan!

Ed: ...Wait a minute... If that's true, then shouldn't the solution to World Peace be...

-2 days, 4 boxes of cereal, and 1 trip to the hospital later-

Ed: ...with a bag of sawdust and some twizzlers?

Roy: No no no. You have it confused! The solution would be...

-3 days, a bear attack and 1 website later-

Roy: So the bag of bear claws would counteract with bag of kittens!

Ed: But then when...

-an hour, a few cups of coffee, and 3 heart attacks later-

Ed: ...and the...

-2 minutes and 5 popsicles later-

Ed: ...wouldn't the...

-4 seconds and 196 boxes of crayons later-

Ed: ...holding the President of NBC hostage with a sack of doorknobs?

Roy: Nope, because then the...

-2 hours and 3 bags of ground up cardboard later-

Roy: ...would suffice for...

-2 days, several mangas, and a pack of plastic wrapping later-

Roy: ...would easilly stop the...

-15 minutes and a very descriptive explanation about how sex works-

Roy: ...which would cancel Barney!

Ed: Gasp! But then...

-1 hour, 15 minutes, and 5 packs of cards later-

Ed: ...with the bologna...

-2 seconds, 9 bottles of rat poison, and 12 antfarms later-

Ed: ...and Richard Nixon's grandson's dog...

-3 days, 27 DUIs, and 1 night in jail later-

Ed: ...when he realized I didn't have any money!

Roy: Wow, but wouldn't that mean...

-3 days and a water bottle later-

Roy: ...with the green grass...

-1 minute, a gardening hose, and a pack of granola bars later-

Roy: ..with the hair plugs...

-2 hours, a machine gun, and a hostage situation later-

Roy: ...THAT would be the solution of how the HELL TO GET "THAT 70'S SHOW" BACK ON THE AIR WITH MORE EPISODES!

Ed: I've seen enough episodes, but it would be nice if...

-3 minutes and a kennel full of attack dogs later-

Ed: ...with a spatula...

-6 hours and a toaster in a tub of water later-

Ed: ...not counting the time...

-a few seconds later-

Ed: ...when all of a sudden Martha Stewart..

-5 weeks, a monkey, 4 lawsuits, and 15 burning houses later-

Ed: ...who happened to award me the Nobel Peace Prize!

Roy: (points at Ed) YOU MAD MAN!

(everyone just stares at them, shocked and horrified)

Winry: What.. the hell.. just.. happened...?

Sheska: I don't wanna know...

Al: ...I didn't know brother did that..

Envy: Jesus Christ, kid! You're creepier than me!

Hawkeye: That was uh... interesting...

Gluttony: Gluttony scared...

Lust: I'm gonna have trouble sleeping...

Scar: Man, that's the most messed up thing I've ever seen, heard, or ever been a part of!


End file.
